June 1 and oh is this frustrating

So, here it is June 1 and I am so frustrated.  Yesterday switched internet providers and spent a good bit of the day vertical, did my exercises and then had two legs aching and paining all night long.  Various gels did little to assist in getting them to quiet, nor did muscle relaxer or pain meds.  Thus spent most of today asleep.  How is this progressing forward towards dancing again?  I so want to dance, even a slow walking waltz would be a joy.

On the plus side, I am walking better, using the cane more for stability and less for support.  I am up to six minutes on the bike, no left leg.

May 18, after the 4 month anniversary

Yes, On Monday I was back to my upbeat self, feeling as though all was possible.  Sadly on Tuesday and Wednesday I had a bug of some sort, no energy, no stamina, no appetite.  Managed to get out of bed enough to care for Guy and make sure I had water.  Thursday I say an out-patient therapist - uses laser and percussion therapy, I do the exercises at home.  We'll see how it goes, whether I improve over the coming weeks.  Today I'm feeling pretty good, did my exercises, got on the bike and worked on flexing and stamina.  Plus, weighed myself and I'm down to 190 - not recommending this as a weight-loss strategy but it is nice to know that there is a downward trend on size.  No, I don't think I'll look better smaller - I know my knee will appreciate fewer pounds pressing down on it.

Carpooling to the Friday Night Dance to listen to Swallowtail and watch the dancers.  I'll have a cane and a walker but no wheelchair this time.  Got to wean myself away from them.  Hope I don't overdue it.

May 14th

So, yesterday was supposed to be the day I continued building on 3 days of walking, sitting, and being vertical for more time each day.  Instead at some early hour of the morning my quads and hamstrings exploded with spasms and cramps, my knee felt like it was the size of a basketball and there was no relief for hours, even with pills.  It became a misery day trying to shuffle enough to feed the cat and myself.  I tried pep talks - 12 years ago you ended up finding out who you thought you were married to wasn't and you got through that; 7 years ago you found out about lumps and breast cancer and you got through that; 3 years ago you found out about slipped disks and sciatic nerve pain and you got through that - and I learned that I am lousy at pep talks.  Instead I spent a lot of time thinking that less than four months ago I spent a delightful evening at the Baltimore Mid-Winter Ball dancing to Perpetual eMotion playing and Will Mentor calling and right now I can't bend my left leg more than ten degrees and barely shuffle and dancing seems so far away.  Yeah, sometimes life just plain f***ing sucks.
Not to worry, I'm sure by tomorrow I'll be back to my old cheerful, upbeat self, but right now I am so tired of the pain, the immobility, the frustration,.  I still sometimes dream of walking and dancing and I'm happy and then... I wake up.  Yeah - told you I suck at pep talks.

Major Progress Reported

Don't look now, mainly because it happened 2 hours ago, but Leslie walked down and back up her driveway using a cane!  She has been approved for driving next week after Wednesday.  She is gaining her mobility, can dancing be far away?  Well, yeah, considering that the walk took 20 minutes.  We are talking a really slow waltz and I'll be sitting and resting directly afterwards.  Perhaps I'll be visiting the dance and folks in the near future, ease my way back into dancing.

3 Months, 15 Days and counting

So, finally decided to do some research on tibial plateau fractures and discovered that I certainly didn't follow the standard pattern.  It is prone to becoming fractured in high speed accidents such as those associated with skiing, horse riding and certain water sports.  Note, dancing is not mentioned anywhere.  The articles also state that a displaced fracture will take months to heal with a long period of time non-weight-bearing.  As I have now been weight-bearing for 20 days I'm hoping this means I'll be back to functional soon.  I have yet to find an article that gives any specific time frame for healing, it seems very dependent upon the person and their overall health and activity level.

Realizing it has been since January 15th that I have been dealing with this I wanted to take a moment to say "Don't do this to yourself!!!!!"  I realize that accidents happen and that means we had no control over what happened, but really - all this from dipping someone?  Geeez, who would have thought.

I also have had several times to think and realize that less than one month ago I was hopping on one leg, hoping I didn't touch the other leg down in error, and waiting for when I could start weight-bearing.  It is still 3 days to go till the original date the surgeon had suggested for weight-bearing so I hope that means I am healing faster than he anticipated.  I also hope it means that I will be back to dancing soon.

I did attend the Frederick dance this past Saturday and had a marvelous waltz.  If you can get to my facebook page the video is on there, but I'm not sure how to grab a link to here.  Let's just say that waltzing with a wheelchair requires coordination and lots of friends.  It was a grand evening with an opportunity to say hi to so many of friends, to listen to the Avant Gardeners playing and Kim Forry calling, to see folks dancing - a joyous evening.

I picked up the cane at Walmart last week but felt so rotten, in an over-stuffed sausage joint way, that my PT Brandi took pity on me and we didn't use it.  Probably start with it this week.  Looking forward to the progress it means I'm making, and dreading as I feel certain the joint will regret the lesser support.

I have also been in the process of being weaned off of the Oxycontin since the 21st, and the weaning process is a very strong argument for never getting on the stuff in the first place.  About the time I start to feel as though I've adjusted to the lower dose it is time to drop the dose again.  It leaves me feeling exhausted, stuffed sausage joint, achy feeling for days.  I struggle to do my exercises, frustrated because I simply can't get the knee to flex or straighten.  Well, in about a week plus I should be off the Oxycontin altogether and have a feel for how my system really is.  That should be interesting to discover.

And with all of these self indulgent thoughts I am also reminded on a daily basis of all the wonderful people I have within my life.  I look forward to regaining my mobility and putting this into my past as an interesting path on the journey of life, one hopefully never revisited.  See you soon, I hope.

Whooping it up

Well, I would be if I weren't so darned sore and tired.  Went out today with a friend and used the walker to navigate down and then back up the steps outside.  Did use a wheelchair in Walmart - visited three out of four corners I think.  Did pick up a cane so I just know what my PT is going to have me try tomorrow.  Right now, sitting in the bed with the leg on a pillow, icepack on top; glad I made it, glad I didn't stay out any longer.  Thank you Christine for a delightful shopping trip.

Latest on the healing front

Brandi, the Physical Therapist, just left after a very good session.  Using the walker I was able to get out the door, then down the steps and out to the driveway.  Rest, and then back up the steps and into the house.  Will I do this on my own right now?  Nope, but after a few more times with her probably.  She also got my knee to 96 degrees of flex - whew.  Cannot do that one on my own, needs the extra push.  Still working on getting the leg straighter.

Yesterday I got on the scale and discovered I've lost a few more pounds, although feeling the leg muscles I think I know where most of that weight loss is.  It will come back as the leg gets stronger, and wait till I get back to dancing.  :-)

Guy has been a sweet cuddler the last few days, asking for cuddles at all hours, nay demanding them.  Sweet in the afternoon, not so much at 6am.

Sitting on the front porch outside today, knowing I got there through my own energy, felt so nice.  Feeling the leg supporting more of my weight, bending and doing more of the needed effort, all of this leads to a bit of a glow as I rest.  Looking back to January and that quick moment that led to this, the length of time to get here, the time to go till I'm back to that ability level - 2012 is going to be an interesting year.

Oh yeah, that whole cutting back on the meds thing - that means forget a good night's sleep. 

I've mentioned it before but I'll probably keep saying it until I feel I've said it enough, and some of that will have to be in person - Thank You.

I want to thank all those who've been there for me along the way.  The folks who donated funds and stuff to give me some peace of mind financially.  The folks who donated time and effort working on the house to give me a place to move back in to.  The clients who bore with me while this went on during tax season and beyond.  The folks who sent healing thoughts and prayers.  I am surrounded by wonderful people and lead a fortunate life.

I really want to thank my brother Keith, who did the lion's share of the work and all of the coordination on the house, my sister Felicia who came down twice, once for the house and once to help me settle in, my father Eldon and step-Mom Ginny who helped on the house and found the awesome porch lights, my aunt Sandy who called and sent cards to let me know I was always in her thoughts.  I have a great family!

Okay, enough mushy stuff - time to get back to work on client stuff.