May 18, after the 4 month anniversary

Yes, On Monday I was back to my upbeat self, feeling as though all was possible.  Sadly on Tuesday and Wednesday I had a bug of some sort, no energy, no stamina, no appetite.  Managed to get out of bed enough to care for Guy and make sure I had water.  Thursday I say an out-patient therapist - uses laser and percussion therapy, I do the exercises at home.  We'll see how it goes, whether I improve over the coming weeks.  Today I'm feeling pretty good, did my exercises, got on the bike and worked on flexing and stamina.  Plus, weighed myself and I'm down to 190 - not recommending this as a weight-loss strategy but it is nice to know that there is a downward trend on size.  No, I don't think I'll look better smaller - I know my knee will appreciate fewer pounds pressing down on it.

Carpooling to the Friday Night Dance to listen to Swallowtail and watch the dancers.  I'll have a cane and a walker but no wheelchair this time.  Got to wean myself away from them.  Hope I don't overdue it.

May 14th

So, yesterday was supposed to be the day I continued building on 3 days of walking, sitting, and being vertical for more time each day.  Instead at some early hour of the morning my quads and hamstrings exploded with spasms and cramps, my knee felt like it was the size of a basketball and there was no relief for hours, even with pills.  It became a misery day trying to shuffle enough to feed the cat and myself.  I tried pep talks - 12 years ago you ended up finding out who you thought you were married to wasn't and you got through that; 7 years ago you found out about lumps and breast cancer and you got through that; 3 years ago you found out about slipped disks and sciatic nerve pain and you got through that - and I learned that I am lousy at pep talks.  Instead I spent a lot of time thinking that less than four months ago I spent a delightful evening at the Baltimore Mid-Winter Ball dancing to Perpetual eMotion playing and Will Mentor calling and right now I can't bend my left leg more than ten degrees and barely shuffle and dancing seems so far away.  Yeah, sometimes life just plain f***ing sucks.
Not to worry, I'm sure by tomorrow I'll be back to my old cheerful, upbeat self, but right now I am so tired of the pain, the immobility, the frustration,.  I still sometimes dream of walking and dancing and I'm happy and then... I wake up.  Yeah - told you I suck at pep talks.